Between the concussion and life reflection and therapy i've been doing a lot of introspection, more now than ever before. More honesty with myself and the why behind my actions and reactions. Today was a really bizarre realization.
We've all heard about AA. Recently i've found out about Alanon. (for families & friends of Alcoholics.) And today I learned about ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) & the Laundry List. I never heard of this before, never knew it was a thing and never realized the link before. I'm sharing this because after reading the Laundry List I realized these characteristics are deeply ingrained into who I am. And where I felt alienated, now I feel like there are others who are going through the same things. Perhaps they have worked through or in the process of working through all of this, maybe hearing their stories will help me with my own process. Its so easy to just go blindly about life exclaiming "I KNOW WHO I AM". "I AM THE WAY I AM". but really, life is always evolving. We learn about ourselves and adjust and interact with others and adjust. We make mistakes and learn and win and learn and we evolve within ourselves. But the reality for me is that i'm always LEARNING who I am. Always finding new pieces about myself. Good/bad... always adjusting, admitting when I'm wrong or when I should look at things from a different perspective and recently learning how I react and how I don't change reactions though I should and why.
There is no rule book to life, though rules make things much easier. I'm not saying read this and go through the 12 steps. I'm posting this to bring awareness to it. That maybe there will be others out there who feel the same way but don't like to talk about it. And you don't have to.
One thing that usually deters me from 12 step programs is the idea of a "Higher Power" or the reference to "God". In hearing these things my reaction is that they are pushing a certain belief onto the healing process and I want to take no part in it. But the reality is that the majority of people have a belief in a higher power or GOD and since most people relate to this idea, it is shared. My paganistic belief in the universe as something that just exists and that things just happen and the universe has its own way of going about things and working itself out for no purpose that we can ever truly comprehend... this belief could be whittled down into the idea of Truth and TRUTH can replace the idea of "GOD" and "Higher Power". With letting go of my judgements and reaction to the term "GOD" I think I will be able to go through the 12 step process. And for those of you who also react this way to the word "GOD", I offer you that explanation and translation in order to also move forward with the steps should you choose. For me, as someone who has gone through the horrors I have in my life, the idea of GOD, especially a fair and just GOD is so much bullshit. How can a GOD allow such monstrosities. That is a discussion for another time. This is about ACA. I hope the awareness helps those of you on your own existential journey into personal evolution.
Here is the LAUNDRY LIST.