Happy Birthday Dad
Thursday is my fathers birthday. I wish I could celebrate my parents like most of the world does. I can't however because my father, Kevin Morgan Sorbello, Chief Engineer in the Merchant Marines is a child molester. He abused me for almost 10 years. From 8-17. 1988-1997. His birthday is November 15 and i allow this time every year to mourn the child in me he destroyed. He didn't do it just once. He did it over and over whenever he was in town. In front of my family under blankets. On family trips. Camping, road trips. I had no idea it was wrong for so many years. Once I told a friend and she told someone else who ended up trying to use the information against me in junior high but our teacher was told and he told the school councilor who told the authorities. They talked to my grandmother and my mother and just as they were going to convict my father my mother took me aside and told me that if I charged him "I" would end up ruining my family. Not wanting to hurt my family I dropped the charges.... And continued being pressured into having sex with my father for years afterward. I just gave up. I let it happen because it didn't matter anymore. No one cared about me enough to protect me. So at least if he was hurting me he wouldn't be hurting my brother or sister... Except when I got a car I stopped being home and he proceeded to be a predator to my sister. This Man, this naval officer, this man who volunteered his evenings teaching 5th graders advanced algebra, this cub scout leader, this Free Mason, this Shriner.... Is a serial child molester/rapist... Who tried to convince me at 8 years old I was his special lover. This Man, this coward, this narcissist has been walking free all over the world. Never convicted.
He talked his way out of court when my sister took him to court. With an IQ of 180+ he fools everyone with his charm but don't be fooled, he is the same monster he always was. Telling me secrets he learned at the War College in Rhode Island in 1998/99... I didn't shake him from my life until 2002. He had paid me $1400/month to keep my mouth shut and not tell anyone anything. So I became a stripper and once I could make up what he was paying me on my own I told him to get lost. And have never talked to him again. The problem is that he interacts with all of my family while I have been the one that ran away from my family in order to get away from him. Why didn't my family shut him out? Why was I shut out? Because he pays for everything. He throws money around and throws his charm and smile around. It is unbelievable that he is walking free. 9 years of being hurt by this man... No body cares! How is that even possible? I can't afford a lawyer to put him away. And he gets to see and hug my baby cousins and nieces and nephews and I just hear about it and it just sounds absurd! Why does he get to breath freedom? He haunts me daily. Doesn't even pay for my therapy... And he just does what he wants. Like nothing ever happened. Never even said he was sorry! People go to jail for having marijuana on them and this man, this monster of a man who abused an 8 year old girl DAILY, over and over and over for years and years. ... THIS guy gets to walk free. Something is wrong with our system. Suddenly something is wrong with me for becoming a stripper and a porn star. It's actually a very obvious progression I couldn't break until I was 28/29. Only then could I realize why I was doing what I was doing.
Maybe if I tell my truth one day someone will put him away and make him face and pay for his crimes. Maybe the awareness and admission of the truth from my family is all I need. It all is just so unfair. I look at my beautiful 7 year old niece and fall apart. Looking at how small she is and optimistic and alive and realizing that my father looked at me that way at about my current age and just wanted to fuck. What the fuck! That is so outstandingly wrong on a million different levels! And THiS guy gets to walk free!?! Why the fuck do I even bother with this world sometimes!?!
When does justice really happen?
He never even said he was sorry.