(This is a very serious blog entry. If you’re looking for a funny story, this one isn’t it.)
I’ve been putting together an auto-blog-ography and as I’ve been doing this I’ve been trying to figure out how to communicate this one fact about my life in a sea of amazing and wondrous adventures. I don’t want to profit from this monstrous story but I do believe that people should know about him and people like him. There’s no way to romanticize this tale. It’s a simple fact. My father, Kevin Morgan Sorbello: Freemason, Shriner, IQ 180+, an upstanding citizen of Washington state, Officer in the Merchant Marines… Is a Child Molester. Sex Offender. Pedophile.
I haven’t really said anything before about this because I wanted to protect my family. Well, I did say something, but my mother told me to drop the charges when I was 12 because it would “Ruin our family”. When in reality it would have just ruined her gold digging dreams. I wanted so bad to not ruin our family. I wanted my parents to love me with every fiber of my being. I wanted to be a good girl. But isn’t that the parents job, to protect the family? When my mother was first suspicious about us (when I was 8) wasn’t it her job to protect me from him? Instead she yelled at me and it became my fault then the incident suddenly was just ignored.
Every incident was “ignored”, every time, for almost 10 years. And just when I thought it was over, that I finally got away, I get a phone call from my little sister. He had gotten to her too. I couldn’t protect her once I was in college. The court system set him free and she ended up in foster homes. Was she a bad kid? Absolutely not. Did she have issues? YES! No one believed her when she told people. To this day our entire family lives in denial calling her a Liar. How on earth could anyone treat another human being like that? They wonder why people like us turn to drugs or prostitution. Our mouths can’t scream but our souls cry out for help through our actions. If you disrespect our bodies, how can we learn to respect our own bodies?
I didn’t become a stripper just because. I was taught that. In exchange for me not “causing a ruckus” he paid me $1400/month in college. This isn’t far from having a Sugar Daddy and honestly very similar… except I actually loathed seeing my father and talking with him. Once I became a stripper I could supplement the income I had gotten used to and I didn’t need him anymore. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I could muster the strength to tell him to fuck off. I couldn’t do it alone. I had a friend there to help me communicate when all I could do is cry.
Where is Justice? Where is the law? When does Karma kick in? Here is a man who should be behind bars. Should have been behind bars for over 10 years. Who never even apologized for what he did. Where was the law to take him away when he was first investigated? Where was the law that should have taken him away when my sister pressed charges? Why would they take her away and send her to foster homes instead of sending him away? Why did no one ask us why we were lashing out? Why did no one ask us why we did so many drugs?
I just turned 30 this year, finally settling into my own being. Then it hit me… Here my mother had been with this man for 8 years, had 3 kids with him and out of the blue, around the age of 30, she finds out he is a pedophile. I can imagine the denial she went through. The utter disbelief that the man you married is someone completely different. But what did she care, he was gone for 9 months out of the year traveling the seas. Going from port to port. She had money and freedom. So what if she had to sacrifice a couple of things to get what she wanted.
Seeing this, knowing this as an adult, it’s just… sad. It’s disgusting and sad. He seems so very charming and pleasant to be around when you meet him. Interesting, intelligent, worldly and sure, everyone has his or her secrets… but this is a big fucking secret! I just have such a hard time imagining how he could get away with it for so long. I should have stopped it. I should have gotten the strength to get away. I lived a double life for so long. He taught me how to lie. He taught me how to manipulate. He taught me how to cheat.
He was supposed to be my father, not my lover, not my best friend. You don’t train your children like that. It’s fucked. And unfortunately he’s not the only one like that. There are thousands of people like him walking around with awards on their walls and smiles on their faces and warm handshakes and helping hands. I grew up where this behavior was ok but I knew there was something wrong with it. It didn’t feel ok even though he said it was ok. There’s a part of every child that knows in their gut right from wrong but the primal instinct to love ones parents overcomes because one desires to trust ones parents in their decisions. You trust that your parents will love you and protect you and make the right decisions for you.
I’m not asking for anyone to pity me, I’m way past that now. Don't feel sad for me. I’m writing this blog to share my story. I don’t want to profit from it, I want to educate people with it. I want to be able to give other women the strength to turn their offender in, something I wish I had the strength to do a long time ago. Had I been able to do that I wouldn’t have this memory haunting me, or maybe I could have confronted this memory a long time ago and wouldn’t have punished my ex’s when I was really punishing Him. Not turning him in is my only regret. Had I turned him in, he would never have gotten to my sister. Had I turned him in I wouldn’t wonder about anyone else he might have hurt.
Most everyone knows at least 1 person who has been hurt by someone like this. These people do not deserve to walk around like everyone else. These people are like murderers destroying lives slowly and over time. Breaking young, innocent, beautiful lives and minds down so as adults, they question their lovers and get back at these people through their lovers recreating this cycle in different forms of pain and hurt. We live in a society where half the people are broken and end up hurting the other half creating more broken and cold people.
The first step to fixing this is admitting that it is going on. There’s a big problem with America if every day someone is getting raped and no one is talking about it yet people are expected to get over it and move on. SO many issues can be nipped in the bud if this could just stop, if we could put these offenders away. It’s more common than not that people get molested by someone in their family… and that is just sick and wrong and needs to stop.
I’m writing this blog to educate.
I’m writing this because Child Abuse is an epidemic.
I’m writing this because I don’t want to include it in my Auto-Blog-ography.
I’m writing this because its time the world knows the truth.