Nerds are SEXY

I woke up bright and early this morning to start working on a character design of a "Hip Nerd" that is due on Friday. The first drawing is basically of my boyfriend: The Sexiest nerd I could find. San Francisco is full of Hip Nerds (where he and I are both from) so I just pulled some ideas from what my friends would wear. Then I remembered that there was a movie on my Netflix queue called Nerdcore Rising by Director Negin Farsad where she follows Mc Frontalot (godfather of Nerdcore hip hop) around on his first American Tour. I'm using that also as reference. 

As I'm watching and drawing I realized how much of a Nerd I really am.

Insert Satine back story:

"You know you're a Nerd when" by Satine Phoenix

My grandmother Dressed me funny. The girls in elementary school would tease and laugh at me. They'd invite me to parties just to laugh and make fun of me till I ran off crying. My glasses were dorky. I had bucked teeth. I'd watch Never Ending Story, Labyrinth, Electric Dreams, Revenge of the Nerds, Spaceballs and Rockula over and over again. Played Dungeons and Dragons after school but before Theater Stage Crafting class. Been playing D&D since i was 15.. yea... for 15 years though on and off for the past 5. Been collecting video game consoles, my oldest one is the Atari 2600. Have every Zelda game. Was president of Drama Club in High School. Played live action Vampire the Masquerade. I wore a cloak I hand made around high school with my Anime tall Asian hair. People used to throw food at me. Made Chain Mail with my friend at the local coffee shop hang out before the Doom Tournaments. Xmen, sandman, xfiles, Star Trek. Preferred Weird Al's renditions of songs to the originals. Played Magic the Gathering with the guys in the corresponding youth group but had to stop due to my parents lack of monetary support, though i did inherit original D&D books. Played Risk and Cyber punk. Programmed my first website at 15 (1995) before it was cool. Been BBS-ing since I was 11. I recently out video gamed my boyfriend. 

Boy Nerds and Girl Nerds : Mating, Dating & Grooming

Sure, I could go on and not much has changed in me since high school. Ok... so I did get ridiculed once I became a stripper. And I totally bought it. My friends had me stop being so nerdy. I stopped playing D&D. What did I give up being a Nerd for? Lots of sex with girls. What did it get me? NOTHING. SO WHAT if I got to do that. Most of those girls that are super hot and put out on a dime do it because they think either they can con you out of their money or to take them places, or they'll get something out of you. Maybe they'll flirt with you just to get you to buy them a drink but will they like you for who you are if you aren't paying them? Would they even talk to you? The answer:  Depends. 

 For GUYS:

Ok, here's the game. You want to hook up with a super hot club girl. The only way in is if you're lucky enough for her to be a fellow nerd. If she isn't then you'll have to have someone (wing man/woman) introduce you. Don't let your nerves get the better of you. Just be yourself. Don't try to be funny or something your not because a beautiful woman who is worth your time will be able to smell out the fake.

What's the big deal with sleeping with that super model anyway? Just to say you did? Trust me, the fantasy will always be better than the reality. The next day you'll wake up with her clip on weave on the floor, her boob lifting gels in your shoe and either her makeup all over her face or she looks like a different person without the makeup. So you say you don't mind that? Ok... there's the high maintenance girl. She's sweet to you at first, then needy.. "my car broke down, can you help me pay for it?" "I lost my phone, can you buy me a new one?" "I love that dress, if you love me you'll buy it for me." "I want this... I want that"... OR "You're wearing that? that's stupid" "I can't believe you would wear that" "You're taking me where? In that THING? Driving THAT car?" or "Blah blah blah.. shoes.. blah blah blah.. name brand.. blah blah blah.. BLAH BLAH" (which is why most men pay hookers: to leave so their heads don't explode)

OR... don't go to a club.

Do what my boyfriend did: Found me on in the Freaks Geeks and Nerds Sections. Then when we met he was freshly showered, his hair was well kept and anti frizzed, plucked his unibrow, wore his cleanest and coolest t-shirt and didn't brag about anything or drop any names. Then while we watched Transformers 2, he held my hand and didn't try anything. ALSO... he smelled really good. AXE effect does smell good and is better than nothing. 

My best Man Grooming advice aside from what I mentioned above: TRIM (don't shave) that body hair... all over your body. Don't shave it, just whack those weeds down a bit. Use a beard trimmer or clippers down to an inch. If you're over hairy, it's not worth shaving, just embrace your man hair. Leave it pet-able. Condition it. If she really wants you to get rid of the whole thing... then laser it off. But the razor burn of shaving and the prickliness afterwards is UN SEXY. Use body lotion when you get out of the shower. Make the girl want to touch you. Girls like soft things and shiny things. 


Dear Girls who are reading this. Here's my advice for you. Flat Iron. Eye Liner.

You don't have to wear a lot of makeup, you don't have to have a huge weave. You're a girl so you're already way ahead of the game. Some of the same advice I gave the guys applies to you too. Shower, smell good. Shave those legs & armpits. If you shave "down there" use a clear natural deodorant to avoid razor bumps and don't shave every day. Laser that off if you really want it gone. Use Lotion after every shower. Pluck that unibrow, wax that mustache.

Condition your hair, towel dry, leave in conditioner, blow dry, antifrizz serum, Flat Iron, shine spray and You're done.

Good hair goes a long way. LONG way. If you have bad a bad complexion then drink more water every day. Work out. If you don't want to do either that's ok. You should still do some things to take care of your skin.

I use a gentle face wash that is moisture rich and doesn't have any alcohol. ALCOHOL AGES YOUR FACE. Avoid it. Then I use a Clearasil pad on the parts of my face that break out like my nose, chin, forehead. Then I use a light moisturizer that has collagen or something that is moisture rich.

When you apply moisture lotion your skin stops over producing oil. You stop breaking out. I still do once a month, and when I eat a lot of grease, sweets and don't drink enough water. But over all it's nicer when you spend just a little time taking care. When I go out I use Mineral makeup. Always light stuff. MAC makeup is GREAT for photo shoots, but not for every day wear. If you have acne, get Proactiv. It works the best. once your acne is gone, go back to what I listed above.

Look, you don't have to wear super sexy outfits or high heels or have your boobs out all the time to attract a guy. A guy that picks you because of your looks will just as easily toss you away when the new arm candy comes along. I've seen it, I've been there. It's not fun. A good guy will appreciate it if you dress up but loves you most when you are YOU. 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Be who YOU are. There is someone out there for everyone. If you want to meet them you're going to have to find them online or meet them through a friend or common interest. 

WHY This Advice?

Because I never got ANY of this advice. I had to figure it all out on my own through asking all the girls at the strip clubs and in porn. Now that I'm just a geeky girl again I can give advice on the essential minimal things you can do. Being a geek isn't weird anymore. Maybe back in the 80's it was. But Geeks rule the world now. One of the most fun things about my time as a Porn Star was talking to other porn stars. There's a whole group that play Magic the Gathering every Friday, my group that plays D&D once or twice a month. There's a HUGE crew of Porn Stars that play World of Warcraft obsessively. I once did a shoot where the director, videographer and actor were all playing before, during and after the shoot. It was classic. Some talk to me about comic books and some just fondly remember their favorite ones. Lots are sci fi nerds... But they all keep it hush hush for some reason. Like if their fans found out they would think less of them. Fuck that. Nerd is cool. Nerd is Sexy as long as Nerd is clean. NERDs have made America the fun Gadgety place it is today.

If only those guys who used to pick on me in high school knew how much I resent them now... maybe they wouldn't have been so awful.